Tag Archives: relationships

Procrastinators never learn

7 Apr

Things I should not be doing right now:

Posting a blog.

Oh well…

I may have mentioned this before, but I always feel the need to write on here instead of do schoolwork. You would think after doing school for the majority of my entire life that I would have kicked that bad procrastination habit by now. However, that is not the case, nor will it ever be, apparently. I am just going to have to accept that as a part of who I am. And so will you.

Which reminds me…

You can try all you want to make something work out with someone, to force it, to work at it harder than you’ve worked on anything ever, and you will still be unhappy in the end. You know why? Because one-sided things never work out. Think about it. If they aren’t willing to try, if they can’t accept you for all that you are, then what is the point? Let it go. Somewhere along the way you learn that you have to stop trying to be who they want you to be, and just be who you are.

Will someone ever love me for who I really am?? I don’t know. But I do know I will be happier as me than as me pretending to be someone else. I’d rather be me than a lie.

I think some of the most damaging lies we tell are the ones to ourselves. Those are usually the ones we dont realize are happening until its too late. We think we are so good at fooling other people, but the real joke is on us.

El. Oh. Vee. E.

31 Jan

Love.

El. Oh. Vee. E.

What with Valentine’s Day coming up, everyone seems to be extra cynical about the whole love idea. Well, everyone who is single. Even the local radio is currently promoting the “Bitter Ball” for those not having “real” Valentine’s plans (which I do actually find pretty clever). Of course, you know its going to be mostly single people looking for hookups, but whatever.

And then there’s the common anti-Valentine’s way of talking about Feb 14th known as “Single’s Awareness Day.” I take issue with this because I don’t see Valentine’s Day as something only for couples. It’s a day about LOVE. And love can be shown to anyone, anywhere, anytime, in a billion different ways…. but that’s a soapbox for later on.

The thing is, at this stage in the love game (and by stage I mean age, and by age I mean 20-something singles), most of us have baggage the size of Texas filled with broken hearts and bittersweet memories (more bitter than sweet). Anyone who has ever loved or cared deeply about someone in a relationship that didn’t work out has come to some sad realizations about love not living up to fairytale expectations. And the result? Cynicism, bitterness, and self-pitty single awareness days.

After so many such experiences, its no wonder we begin to believe that love is a lie. But I came across this quote the other day:

“Love is not a lie. Love is the real deal. The problem is that love is human and its flawed, and despite all the songs and the poems, it does NOT heal all wounds.”

I like it, but I’m not sure if I completely agree with it though. I think OUR version of love is flawed, yes. I mean, God is love, right? And God is not flawed, right? And God does bring healing, right?

I guess I’m going to go ahead and assume that the love talked about in this quote is different than the kind God is. So maybe that is the bigger issue.

If I can learn to give the kind of love that God talks about, then maybe it WILL be a beautiful thing instead of an empty lie that leads to cynicism and bitterness. But I am still human, we all are, and we cannot show perfect love to everyone all the time, if ever. Humans are flawed. Humans break things. We break hearts, we break trust, we even break bones.

Forgiveness

Love

Hope

These are things I strive to show and yet, I do not really understand them. Frustrating. But I know I want to be a part of something bigger than myself, that I want my life to count and have purpose. That I don’t want to fade into the background. Real love is bigger than me. It changes things. So to me, its worth it to strive for that.

As TWLOHA promotes, “love is the movement” – and it IS. Because love is not a magical word full of fuzzy feelings that you can just throw around whenever you want. I mean, for some people it is. But REAL love is choice, its an action, its something you show and give and do. If love isn’t helping other people, isn’t benefiting anyone, then what’s the point? And is that even love?

So spending Valentine’s Day, a day that is supposed to be all about love, in a self-pitty “I’m all alone” party just doenst make sense to me.

For me, love has a lot to do with relationships – all kinds, not just romantic ones. The best way to show love is through genuine relationships with people. I think that is why I like the idea of authentic community so much. I am intrigued by the idea of being a part of a group of people that “do life together” as cliché as it sounds. People who look out for eachother and help eachother and share the truth of Christ and His love with one another in a real way – through actions and support and sound advice (the list goes on).

I want to be a part of a movement. A movement of love that continues to reach more and more people. A movement that introduces people into a growing relationship with Christ. A movement that makes a difference in the world and embraces the future He calls us to.

What would that look like? What would it look like if I deeply invested everything I am into this movement of sharing genuine love with others?

mirror talk

7 Jan

Words escape. And yet there is a need to write.

About what? The times when its just you and the mirror and the truth, or well, what you perceive to be the truth. These times, usually accompanied by tears, are the times when you actually become painfully honest with yourself. With God. With the floor. Or the pillow.

Big difference between giving up and accepting someone for who they are.

Everyone just wants someone to accept them for who they are. To accept them without the ulterior motives to change them into someone else. Someone they’re not.

But even if you find someone who accepts you, they have to do more than tolerate you, they have to love you. And not only do they have to accept and love you, but they have to do it forever. Exclusively.

Does this exist?

Sure it does. But not for everyone, right? Statistically speaking, very few people end up this way. So why are we shooting for such impossible goals? Maybe “shooting for” is a poor choice of words, since you really can’t DO anything to make someone accept and love you and only you forever. It’s a choice they make. And it’s a choice you make about them.

After a while, you get to a certain point, a certain age, where everyone has emotional baggage from past “failed” relationships. It only gets harder to break down walls of distrust and reopen healthy lines of communication. You are not who you were before that relational experience. Our experiences change us. We go through different seasons, some joyful and full of life, while others are filled with excruciating pain and despair. The highs and lows of life are nothing new, but that does not make them any less difficult to handle.

It seems there is not much that can be done. It seems to leave us in an awful and somewhat depressing situation. What to do?

The only thing I have found, is to learn.

Learn from the experience, the good and the bad, then it will be worth it in the end. Be aware that you are not who you were, but are now forever changed by your unique experiences. Whats done is done. It happened. Take what you can to benefit you in the future, and move on. Move forward.

Easily we are distracted and even paralyzed by our past. We forget to keep our eyes face-forward, on things where our actions still have meaning, where our paths have yet to be made visible. We cannot change what has been done, we can only change from this point on.

Memories can be wonderful and beautiful things, but they can also be heartbreaking and taunting. They say that time heals all wounds. Maybe this is true, but scars will remain. Some bigger and more noticeable than others.

And so we begin to think these scars will keep us from being accepted and loved by someone. These scars translate into value and worth, or lack there of. This is where we get in deep trouble. This is where the darkness begins to rear its ugly head and drown us in a sea of self-loathing, guilt, and perceived worthlessness. We begin to believe that we are worthless, that we have no value, that we are impossible to love.

But these are lies.

This is why it is SO important to find your identity in Christ and not in the next guy that comes along. God created us in His image, He did not make a mistake, He did not forget about you. He has already accepted you and loves you and will do so forever. There is nothing you can do to make Him love you less. There is a plan and a purpose for your life. You are not meaningless. You are precious.

If we choose to believe the truth about who we are, we can begin to see our unique situations and experiences as building blocks that are shaping us into who we will become. Into wiser and stronger versions of ourselves.

It takes a lot of hard work to become the person you want to be.

Don’t let the trials of life and relationships defeat you. Rise above and overcome. Nothing is impossible with Christ. He is all the power and strength you will ever need.

Hold on.