Tag Archives: Isaiah

fresh strength

3 Dec

Well its 1:49AM and Star Trek: The Next Generation is on mute in the background. In my defense, it was a total accident. I was watching Scrubs… hours ago… and then I put it on mute and now its Star Trek. I have no idea whats happening on it right now though. However, half-watching it on mute has brought me to the realization that this would be a great show to do hilarious voice-overs on. Yes.

Also, this couch has lost its comfyness and my left leg is falling asleep.

None of this is relevant.

I haven’t blogged in quite some time, and I still don’t have much to say really, so Im not sure where this is going.

I got some new music by a band named Glass Pear. Really really good. So far my favorite is a song called “My Ghost”. Youre welcome.

You know who else I like? Lady GaGa. That’s right. I said it. Sure, she’s twisted and controversial at times, but she is super talented, an awesome performer, and uber creative. A-mazing artist. And Im pretty sure she is only 23 years old. Makes you re-evaluate what all you have accomplished in life so far doesn’t it? Just me?

Its finals week. Well, technically next week is finals week, which just means I have a boatload of stuff to do by then. That’s probably why I feel the need to blog. Haha.

My birthday is coming up. I don’t know where this year has gone. They say the years fly by more quickly the older you get. I am starting to believe them. Oh them.

But seriously, this year has been ridiculous. So many things I went through that I never would have anticipated. I guess that’s the beauty and excitement of it all, the future, the unknown. Who knows what I will have experienced by this time next year. Its crazy.

But I am thankful. Thankful for all the pain and all the insight I have gained through it and because of it. Not that it was all painful of course, many great and wonderfully amazing times were had as well. But this was a hard year. Not just for me, but for most people I feel like. Sure the recession had a lot to do with it, but 2009 seemed to really take pleasure in kicking you while you were down, ya know? I sure hope 2010 isn’t such a bully.

Wow 2010. I can remember 10 years ago – the year 2000! I remember before the year 2000, thinking about how old I would be in the year 2000 and how crazy it would be in the 1900’s anymore. Holy crap I feel old.

Which is nonsense. I am NOT old.  But “young” hardly applies anymore it seems. Guess Im somewhere in between.

All this thinking of time passing by reminds me of all the things I wanted to do that I haven’t done yet. I recently had a nightmare that woke me up in the middle of the night. I can only remember 1 or 2 other times in my whole life that Ive had a dream like that. So, I decided to try to figure out what it meant. But how does one go about interpreting their own dreams, you ask? The internet, of course!

Now, I don’t buy into some random dream website for the end-all be-all in exact dream interpretation, but theres lots of research out there about common symbols in dreams and what they mean or something like that, so who knows. Just thought it would be interesting to try to figure it out.

Turns out that random dream website thinks I have issues with my job, future career, expectations, identity, loneliness, helplessness, frustration, and “unclear” issues.

Well, that sure was helpful. Good to know my subconscious has issues with practically every area of my life.

But really, who doesn’t struggle with these issues on a semi-regular basis? I mean, yes, certain areas of life will go good for a time, but then things get hard. Hardships come and go all the time. Such is life.

We all have dreams. We all have desires and goals and passions and things we want to do… and things we want to do before we get “old”. These things don’t always work out the way we hope, and certainly not as soon as we wish they would. In fact, they hardly ever do.

But do we give up hope?

Do we believe the lies?

I know for me, and I think I have mentioned this before, it is so easy to get caught up in my own life and self to the point where I don’t even realize the many lies I have bought into and started to believe.

Like, (and these are my honest struggles) there’s no way this dream that God has placed in my heart will ever really work. I don’t have the skills or the talent or the know-how. I am not capable. I don’t have anyone who will help me. I have no idea what Im doing here. I don’t belong here. I should just give up, do something easier, blend in with everyone else. Etc, etc, etc…

But those are LIES.

God will ALWAYS give you what you need to do what He wants you to do. – Derrick Scott

So use your passion, focus on your strengths, be willing to learn, and don’t waste anymore time.

Don’t get me wrong, life can and will be disappointing a lot of the time. Going after your dreams is hard freakin work. But everything worth anything is going to cost you something. At times you will fail, but failure is not defeat. It is opportunity and challenge.

Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don’t recognize them. – Ann Landers

Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently. – Henry Ford

I think Im starting to sound like a broken record. Guess I need to keep reminding myself of these things.

It is easy to lose hope.

Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, “My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God”?

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

–      Isaiah 40:27-31

God cares. He has not forgotten about you. He is the Creator of EVERYTHING, including you, and He knows you inside and out. He never gets tired – He energizes those who are tired so they can run and not grow weary, soar like eagles, and not lag behind. The Message version refers to “hope” in these verses as “fresh strength” (I like that). He cares for His children like a shepherd cares for his flock, leading them into good pastures. Leading them into GOOD pastures. He has our best interest at heart. He will not abandon us. He wants to give us the future we hope for. He listens when we call out to Him.

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. – Romans 5:3-5

His timing is perfect. Trust is the issue. Don’t quit in hard times, it will be worth all the pain. Expect God to come through – He is faithful.

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mind games

6 Jun

People can have very skewed perceptions of themselves.

Myself included at times, but, how would I know? I’m just saying, you think you are a certain kind of person, you think you act a certain way and do certain things for certain reasons, but maybe that’s just the person you THINK you are (or maybe want to be) and not who you actually are.

When things happen that we do not understand, it is only natural that we ponder them and perhaps even over-analyze all the reasons why. We try to justify why they treated us that way or why we feel the way we do about the situation, just to give it a name, to get it out and figured out so we can learn from it and either fix it or move on and do things differently next time. But what if all our reasonings were wrong? What if we are basing everything on justifications that were never true? If we don’t know the truth, how can we react in the best way for ourselves?

So maybe you think you are doing the right thing, but you’re not. That happens all the time. Maybe its because we only hear what we want to hear, and we are selfish human beings who do what we want, to get what we want when we want it. Maybe we think we are the kind of person who takes the high road, but we don’t . Maybe we are just all talk. Maybe we deceive ourselves.

Its interesting how every decision you make can affect those around you. Some just a little, but some a lot. And every decision you make affects how those around you perceive you. Your actions speak louder than words. But people interpret your actions in different ways. Can you ever win? Sometimes it seems like no matter what you decide, and no matter what you actually do, somebody gets hurt. And maybe that’s not your fault, but maybe it is.

Its frustrating to try to please everyone. Which I guess is why pleasing everyone should not be your goal. I know they say you should just be true to yourself, because you are the only one you have to answer to every day. But it’s a dangerous line to walk. On one side, you do what you want, you don’t care who gets hurt, you focus on yourself and your selfish desires and once you attain them you forget about everyone else except those who immediately affect YOUR happiness. On the other side, you’re a people-pleaser who gets walked all over and makes decisions based on what makes other people happy instead of yourself, and you end up miserable because you’re not ever doing what YOU want. Surely there is a balance…. people try to balance as they walk the line between the two. But peoples lines are placed in different places – the lines don’t all match up exactly. And some people just aren’t good at walking a line, and they slip to one side or the other, even though they talk all about how awesome the line they are supposedly walking is.

Sorry if this doesn’t make sense. There is a lot of mumbo-jumbo spilling out of my brain. I guess part of what I’m saying is that yeah, nobody is perfect, but maybe we should quit fooling ourselves into believing we are someone that we aren’t. Sometimes it’s hard to be brutally honest with yourself. To quit feeding yourself lies. To find the truth and embrace it.

I find great comfort in knowing that God knows me better than I know myself. If only I listened more often to the things that He tells me about myself – the Truth that He has to offer about who I am in Him, my identity in Christ – rather than my own lies and self-deceiving perceptions.

I think sometimes we are scared to face the truth about ourselves because we think we won’t like what we see. The broken mess we have made of our life. But God has overcome all the darkness and shame to bring us light and hope and freedom.

I don’t pretend to understand it. I just know there is a better way to live, and I want it. Trade my guilt and confusion and selfishness for hope and peace and true love.

Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live. (Isaiah 55:1-3a)