Tag Archives: actions

mind games

6 Jun

People can have very skewed perceptions of themselves.

Myself included at times, but, how would I know? I’m just saying, you think you are a certain kind of person, you think you act a certain way and do certain things for certain reasons, but maybe that’s just the person you THINK you are (or maybe want to be) and not who you actually are.

When things happen that we do not understand, it is only natural that we ponder them and perhaps even over-analyze all the reasons why. We try to justify why they treated us that way or why we feel the way we do about the situation, just to give it a name, to get it out and figured out so we can learn from it and either fix it or move on and do things differently next time. But what if all our reasonings were wrong? What if we are basing everything on justifications that were never true? If we don’t know the truth, how can we react in the best way for ourselves?

So maybe you think you are doing the right thing, but you’re not. That happens all the time. Maybe its because we only hear what we want to hear, and we are selfish human beings who do what we want, to get what we want when we want it. Maybe we think we are the kind of person who takes the high road, but we don’t . Maybe we are just all talk. Maybe we deceive ourselves.

Its interesting how every decision you make can affect those around you. Some just a little, but some a lot. And every decision you make affects how those around you perceive you. Your actions speak louder than words. But people interpret your actions in different ways. Can you ever win? Sometimes it seems like no matter what you decide, and no matter what you actually do, somebody gets hurt. And maybe that’s not your fault, but maybe it is.

Its frustrating to try to please everyone. Which I guess is why pleasing everyone should not be your goal. I know they say you should just be true to yourself, because you are the only one you have to answer to every day. But it’s a dangerous line to walk. On one side, you do what you want, you don’t care who gets hurt, you focus on yourself and your selfish desires and once you attain them you forget about everyone else except those who immediately affect YOUR happiness. On the other side, you’re a people-pleaser who gets walked all over and makes decisions based on what makes other people happy instead of yourself, and you end up miserable because you’re not ever doing what YOU want. Surely there is a balance…. people try to balance as they walk the line between the two. But peoples lines are placed in different places – the lines don’t all match up exactly. And some people just aren’t good at walking a line, and they slip to one side or the other, even though they talk all about how awesome the line they are supposedly walking is.

Sorry if this doesn’t make sense. There is a lot of mumbo-jumbo spilling out of my brain. I guess part of what I’m saying is that yeah, nobody is perfect, but maybe we should quit fooling ourselves into believing we are someone that we aren’t. Sometimes it’s hard to be brutally honest with yourself. To quit feeding yourself lies. To find the truth and embrace it.

I find great comfort in knowing that God knows me better than I know myself. If only I listened more often to the things that He tells me about myself – the Truth that He has to offer about who I am in Him, my identity in Christ – rather than my own lies and self-deceiving perceptions.

I think sometimes we are scared to face the truth about ourselves because we think we won’t like what we see. The broken mess we have made of our life. But God has overcome all the darkness and shame to bring us light and hope and freedom.

I don’t pretend to understand it. I just know there is a better way to live, and I want it. Trade my guilt and confusion and selfishness for hope and peace and true love.

Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live. (Isaiah 55:1-3a)

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