ER Adventures

23 Jun

Greetings from Baptist Hospital South!


So I had my first legit ER experience last night. Well it wasn’t for ME, but I was there. My 30-year-young and fit husband had a short “episode” of chest pain/sweating/nausea in the middle of a movie we were watching at the theater. Long story short, we left the theater in the middle of the movie and went to the ER, because APPARENTLY he has had similar chest pains happening semi-frequently for the past month or so (men! seriously). And we are still in the hospital now. 14 hours later. Holy Moly.


Before I go any further, let me just say that HE IS OKAY so far. They are still running **insert large words and acronyms here** tests and we shall see what they say. Doctors are smart but incredibly slow. They also like to ask you the same questions and are very interested in when your birthday is – you would think they were trying to plan a surprise party for him or something. But my husband has almost perfected his “why I wanted to hang out at the hospital and kick it with the night shift staff” story – it’s very dramatic and impressive.


Don’t worry though, we were not completely alone. We were accompanied by this really awesome loud beeping sound that went off every time my husband’s heart rate dropped below 60. This happened surprisingly a lot, which begs the question: HOW CAN YOU BE SO RELAXED AT A TIME LIKE THIS?! But he was pretty bored and tired and sad-looking in his gloomy hospital bed with a billion wires connecting his body to machines and needles sticking out of his arms, so I let it slide. I did teach myself how to silence the alarm on the machine, but it was pretty much like pressing a snooze button that only lasted like 10 seconds. As you can imagine, it was a blast, and 7.5 hours later, we were still having SO MUCH FUN.



In the wild, there is no healthcare. Healthcare is “Oh, I broke my leg!” A lion comes and eats you, you’re dead. Well, I’m not dead, I’m the lion, you’re dead!” – Dwight Schrute


After our adventure in the ER, we were looking forward to going home and sleeping all day in our super-comfy California King-sized slice of Heaven, but no go. Apparently the doctors liked us SO much (we are pretty cool) that they wanted us to stay and hang out with them a while longer… blah blah “observation” blah. They even sweetened the deal by upgrading us to a “real” room (around 7am – did I mention doctors are slow?). My husband got a new fancy bed and all the cords that were previously attached to the wall machine were now connected to a portable charger thingie that fits in his pocket, so WIN. But don’t worry, there was good news for me too – in the corner of our fancy hospital room there was a COUCH! With cushions! And room to lay down! Let me tell you, I have never been so happy to see a crappy piece of furniture in my ENTIRE life – Nothing like 7.5 hours in a miserable plastic chair to make you appreciate the little things. This moment was shortly followed by the best 3 hours of sleep ever.


Did you know that Panera does not open until 7am?? I thought that place was all about morning people, with the bagels and the coffees and the breakfast sandwiches… and I’m pretty sure morning people are awake before 7am. I was mostly concerned about this fact around 5am when we were informed that we would be relocating from the ER to a more permanent location… but it all worked out since it took another 2 hours for this to actually happen. I DID pick up some Panera eventually, and it was delicious.


Another disturbing thing about the coffee situation in Jacksonville: there are very few (only 1 that I can think of right now) 24/7 Starbucks. When I was in college, I lived in a tiny town called Lakeland, and there were at LEAST 5 Starbucks stores that were 24/7! How is this possible?!! Jacksonville is the LARGEST city in the continental U.S. land-wise, and the LARGEST city in Florida by population. Seriously. Seriously! Come on Starbucks, that’s just wrong.


Other fun facts I have learned during my ER excursion:

1) There is nothing good on TV at 4am.

2) Hospitals are cold.

3) Those arm wrap things used for measuring your blood pressure have some SERIOUS velcro. You literally cannot get that thing off by yourself.

4) Doctors are like mythical unicorns that you hear legends about but never see… although I’m pretty sure they exist… unless I was hallucinating earlier from lack of sleep. Hmmm.


Yep, we are still waiting for the doctor to come visit. Apparently they make their own schedules on Sundays. I’m starting to thing we are on one of those hidden camera shows like “Boiling Point” where they see how long you will wait before you get upset and leave – and if you make it past the certain time limit, you win stuff. Well, we better freakin win stuff.


I’m trying not to take it personal, but they DID make it seem like they REALLY wanted to hang out with us here. Not cool.

beer me strength

Lord, beer me strength.” – Jim Halpert


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